Then the realization: everyone thinks that if you're going to a 9:00 movie and it takes 25 minutes to get there, you should leave your house at 8:30. It'll take 25 mintues to get there, and you get 5 minutes to get all your friends, get your tickets, go to the bathroom, and get to your movie.
Think about that. I know when you, dear reader, head out to a movie, that must be approximately your thought process. You probably just think "25 minutes to get there plus a few more for other stuff". But that other stuff takes, like, half an hour itself! It takes me more than 5 minutes just to get to one friend's house; what happens if I'm taking 4? Not to mention the time it takes for people to get out of their house when you show up. No one's perfect, and everyone takes a bit of time. You have to account for each person you're bringing, traffic and construction, and getting to your theater once you've gotten out of the car.
That trip to see TMNT was a great example of this. Someone had told everyone to meet at Blue Monday 30 minutes before the movie started. Naturally, no one showed up until 28 minutes until showtime, and then we spent 5 trying to figure out who should drive and who should go in what car. Just as that had been decided, we realized someone who was coming hadn't showed up yet, so one car had to wait for him. He showed up at about 20 minutes until showtime, and then it took another 2 minutes before the car engines were starting. Now we had less than 20 minutes to make a 25 minute drive, buy our tickets, and sprint to the theater.
After that night, I decided to start taking matters into my own hands. If I'm going to a movie these days, I make sure I know what showing I'm going to, who I'm taking, and how long it takes to get to the theater. (I'm always the driver, although that's mostly because I have a car and don't mind rather than anything else.) Then I take the expected driving time, add 10 minutes of travel time per person I have to pick up, add another 5 for good measure, and leave with that total amount of time to get to the theater.
"Wow," I bet you're thinking. "Don't you get to the theater stupidly early? I don't want to have to sit through those horrible movie adds." This, my friends, is the best part of the whole system. Yes, I do get to the theater early, but since I started doing this, that early time has become my favorite part of the whole trip. You aren't feeling rushed during it because you have plenty of time, so you get to have a nice, relaxed conversation with your friends. See, the reason I watch movies is the same reason some people like to drink: I like having something to do with my friends. When you get down to it, there's nothing more interesting in life than other people. Not everyone is interesting to everyone else, of course. You have to be able to connect with another person on some level to make them worth your time. It may be a competitve connection, like you're playing a game, or it could be a social connectiong, like you happen to both feel passionately about your favorite brand of rootbeer. Whatever. Everything worth your time in life somehow contributes to cool interactions with other people. Personally, one of my favorite ways to interact with others is through stories. I like telling them, but I also like hearing them. Talking about stories with friends is fun, and going deeper and really analyzing them can lead to all sorts of good, meaty conversation. It just so happens that I enjoy film as a medium for storytelling, so I like watching movies with friends. And that pre-movie time you get when you're early is wonderful for talking! You can continue whatever conversation you were having in the car, you can compare expectations for the film you're about to see, or you can scrounge up something to say from those terrible adds for small local businesses and churches that for some reason feel the need to advertise. The time before a movie is ripe for conversation.
Anyway, I was originally planning to give out some helpful pointers for making your movie-going experience more enjoyable. I didn't mean to get a philisophical on you. Not sure what I was going to say, though. It's mostly stuff people already know but don't actually follow through with. How about a list?
1. Stop at a gas station for snacks. Assuming you want them, that is. It's easy to smuggle in food, and you can save, like, $3 a person if you make the time to stop at a gas station instead of buying movie theater food.
2. Obviously, make sure you have enough time to get to the theater. I just spent a huge amount of space ranting about this, but leave a good 20 minutes earlier than you think you have to. It'll leave everyone less stressed and with a better outing. If you don't like spending that extra time talking to your friends, you should reconsider more than just when you're going to leave for the movie.
3. Don't bring people to the movie that are going to ruin it for the rest of you. For example, I no longer watch Pixar movies with Danl unless I want to spend the whole time trash talking with him. If you must bring that one person along who really would rather be doing something else, make them sit on the end next to someone they won't bother, and honestly, you should consider finding something else to do entirely.
4. That last bit transitions nicely into thinking about who you're going to sit next to. You don't have to go this far
(although someone probably will), but you should consider stuff like "who is legitimately in a relationship with someone else here?" and "am I going to be wanting to lean over and make jokes about this film to the person next to me? If so, are the people next to me up for that sort of thing?" and "is it really a good idea to let the two girls who are going to be screeching loudly together and thereby bothering the whole theater sit together?" and "is it really a good idea to let the two guys who are going to make jokes about the terrible rom-com script and laugh loudly thereby bothering the whole theater sit together?" and "will I have to pee a lot during this movie because I got a mega-large Coke, meaning I should take the aisle seat?" All good questions. As Munroe says, don't just file into the row haphazardly.
That sounds like it for now. If you've got any movie-going advice of your own, let me hear it. I always enjoy new ways to improve my movie experience.
Until next time, remember: leave early!
Oh god, the construction around Lakeville has been fucking EVERYTHING up recently. I'm confident we'd have everything figured out by now if it wasn't for that.
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